How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
