Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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