Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
