Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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