i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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