i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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