Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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