he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
