someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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