You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize