walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
