Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
