NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
