its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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