Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
