Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
