he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
