That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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