Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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