she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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