I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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