I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can't special order awesome
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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