swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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