I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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