i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
