oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
