I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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