I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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