When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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