yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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