my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
