8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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