2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
