I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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