im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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