my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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