Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
