The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
