I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
