i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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