Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
