I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
