Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
