in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
