Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
