Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
