we have pet lesbian snakes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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