If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
