does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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