Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
