It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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