my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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