I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
