He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
