Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
