Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
