I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
birth control should be required to get into college
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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