I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize