i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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