I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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