Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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