Ambien. No doubt about it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
