Need sex. Gaining weight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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