can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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