Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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