i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
