I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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