Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
