She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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