Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
