I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
