I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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