I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
