The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
