Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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