Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
