After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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