Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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