we have officially lost it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
