it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
