Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
