kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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