also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are a genius and a whore.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
